Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
this hospital has no fireball
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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