Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
