I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
