So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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