And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize