I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
