I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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