i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
