You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
