Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
