Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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