Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
