Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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