You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
