I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
