he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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