Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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