Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
