You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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