a search helicopter?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
