If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
