i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
