I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
