You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize