and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize