it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
