clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
There r osticjed everywhere
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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