im so drunk with asians
where?
always
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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