He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
