so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
