well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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