she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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