I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
