he wants to bone in the snuggie
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, beer. Big fan.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
