you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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