Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Less talking, more tequila
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
