And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize