I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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