Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
