i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
