i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
