she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Pooping to opera.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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