Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
