3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
