I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
