I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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