I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
