I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I deserve this hangover.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
