if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
