Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
