i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
