I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize