The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
