I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
