i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's never too late to be topless.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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