All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
