Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
