I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
