She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wish there were birth control emojis
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
