I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
