I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
