I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize