I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
