just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
