Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
