Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
