How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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