I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
