The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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