you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
