ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His hands were made for my vagina.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
