theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
