you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
