apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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