ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
