My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i think my cat just said my name.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
