Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is Oprah even human
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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