Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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