i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
