We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize