Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
