Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
