1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
