I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
